Day one in the big brother hoose

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 16:47:07 +0200

Hello folks,
I started this log to tell you all about the wonderful place where I live, its a wee place called Portlethen. Now I daresay there are a few yanks or the like saying " Gee Elmer..where the dang is Port Lethen?" So I suppose I'd better start off by telling you where it is. OK..open your Atlas..page 13 British Isles ( please sir, I've forgotten mines...well share with the boy at the next desk).....look for Scotland..yeah the bit above England and look for the knobbly bit sticking out....the North East of Scotland....look for Aberdeen (Oil capital of Europe...stop sniggering at the back) and Portlethen is about 6 miles from there.
So whats wrong with Portlethen?
Well lots.... or not much depending on your point of view. We moved her about 20 odd years ago, and at that time it was a very small village. It had loads of houses which had been built to accommodate the 'incoming oil workers'. What this meant was we had loads of Glesga keelies (people from Glasgow) taking over the place. At times it sounded more like Sauchiehall Street than Aberdeenshire. Anyhoo. most of them have left since the oil dried up, although there are still a few stragglers going around. What's that? A collection for their bus fares?
Anyhoo whats wrong with Porty ( Portlethen)? Well...we are controlled by Aberdeenshire Council..who are situated down in Stonehaven ( BOO-HISS). So you can guess where Aberdeenshire spends all its cash on

(a) Stonehaven
(b) Portlethen
(c) Muchalls

Here's a clue....its not 'b' or 'c'! This means that we Porty folk can only look enviously down the road to Stoney, like some scruffy urchin with his nose pressed firmly at the window of a swanky restaurant.

We used to have a great rubbish collection service until them down the road changed it to every fortnight.What this means is that we are knee deep in rubbish, lord only knows when a road sweeper will come here. The last time one appeared there was folks on their front lawns with little flags, a -waving and a-cheering. I remember it well ...2001 ..I think. The parks have lots of smashed glass lying about. This is dumped by drunken teenagers late at night, as there is little else for them to do. Where are the police when all this is going on? Probably down in Stoney! They only appear here when the local rag writes an article about 'unruly teenagers run riot'. Which is totally false as the kids are a good bunch, and I should know as I used to work with them on a voluntary basis. What other points of interest do we have to show the visitor to Portlethen? Well...we have a lovely burn(small river) which meanders through the middle of Porty, it's known locally as 'Trolley Burn' due to the number of ASDA shopping trolleys thrown in there on a Friday and Saturday night. It's a local sport 'Hoik the Trolley'. And as if that isn't enough...we have our very own abattoir! Yes, I can feel the jealousy oozing from you all...I bet you wish you had a facility like this? Well let me tell you, some days the stink is absolutely appalling! Grown men have been known to part with their breakfasts at a mere whiff from Donalds meat factory. Anyway, I hope I have whetted your appetite to come back and read more of my blog about Portlethen. There's lots of juicy bits to come...

Comments

PortlethensadumpbutitcouldbeworseitcouldbeStoney

Day one in the big brother hoose